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SardonicSamurai
Bee doop

Steve V @SardonicSamurai

Age 36, Male

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College

Joined on 9/15/05

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GOOD LUCK OMFG FINALLY

Posted by SardonicSamurai - August 28th, 2007


Ahhh... So I've been looking for a job for awhile now; mostly because my current one is a piece of shit, and can't hire me full time. So I got a call today from Target (I'm still in college, so it's not that bad of a place) saying that I've been hired! All I needed to do was take a drug test! Well I did, and I'm not worried about failing (seeing how I've never had drugs) and I go in to my current work to turn in my Two Weeks Notice.

Well, I hoped and prayed that the most hated manager that does jack shit around there was in. Well, I got my wish, and he was serving ice cream because someone called off (HA). Well, I talked to some of my co-workers while I waited for him to finish. Some of them were sad, others tried to see if I could get full time there and a better pay, and one person was mad because she wouldn't be able to work with me any more (lol).

So the manager (Rick) said hello and asked why I was here. I smiled intently and said, "Oh nothing... Just looking at my schedule." I turned around and headed for the door to the employees area, but turned back to him and said, "Oh, and I'm turning in my two weeks notice."

His eyes widened and he looked pissed. He has had me on Salad Bar stock and prep for over 4 months because he hated the fact that I didn't want to be a cook at his shitty restaurant. I asked him several times to train another employee to do Salad Bar in case I'm ever sick or needed to bush, dish, host, etc, but he said no and made me work that shitty old and mean people infested bar.

Well, now his decision is biting him in the ass, because he has no one that knows how to do the work, and there's a lot of stuff you need to remember in order to do the job.

***

Also my favorite cookies were on sale :D :D :D

***

Today was the day I asked my dad about getting a new car. My mom had Okay'd the decision, but ultimately it was my dad's. So I went up to him, and told him my situation at Target. I told him it was full time, and that my current car is about to die (literally. It's lost its brakes 3 times on me [while I was driving it], circuits fried and would make my car shut off every few minutes [mostly at intersections], transmission going, just recently failed e-check, etc)

So I asked if I could lease a 2007 Chevy Cobalt Coupe, ultra silver metalic color. He looked at it, saw that it was relatively cheap for a new car, and agreed that once I got my job, I could get it/ he'd co-sign for me. So within the next 20 days (before my temporary 30 day tag expires due to failing e-check), I will be getting a new car!

***

Before I walked out of the store/ restaurant I work, I saw a lottery ticket machine that I would always just ignore and walk away from. Today, I felt lucky, and got a $5 ticket with my change from getting some groceries (those cookies and some milk :D) Well, I ended up winning $30 (so $25), which is awesome for me!

***

My God I've never had such luck before!

***

*Dances*


Comments

hmmm. Thats strange i thought you were supposed to lose your target job, your car get raped and towed, and your family disowns you. Nah, you way to cool for that shit.

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars aint shinin
cause the skys too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin
long the side of me

Im mean n Im bad, yknow I aint no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of chrissy
Talkin about her n my bike n me...
n this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Was actin weird up here
And so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, gimme summa that what yer suckin on...
But there was no reply
cause she was gone...

Wheres those titties that I like so well
n my goddamn beer!
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin twig, n up jumped the devil...hes about this big...

He had a red suit on
An a widows peak
An then a pointed tail
n like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, you sonofabitch!
cause I was mad at him,
Well he just got out his floss
n started cleanin his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: bang bang bang

Then the sucker just laughed n said, put it away...
You know, I ate her all up...now what you
Gonna say?
You ate my chrissy? titties n all!
Well, what about the beer then, boy? were the cans
This tall?
Even her boots? would I lie to you?
Shit, you musta been hungry! yes, this is true.
Well dont they pay you good for the
Stuff that you do?
Well, you know, I cant complain when the checks come through...

Well I want my chrissy, n I want my beer
So you just barf it back up now, devil,
Do you hear?

Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the devil,
Do you understand? just what will you give me
For your
Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little
Contract here... yer goddam right, you son-of-a-whore,
Dont call me that
Thats about the only reason
...gimme that paper...bet yer ass Ill sign...
cause I need a beer, n its titty-squeezin time

Man, you cant fool me...you aint that bad...
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had...
Why there was milhous nixon n agnew, too...
n both of those suckers was worse n you...

Well, lets make a deal if you think thats true
I mean, youre the devil, so whatcha gonna do?

(improvised dialog)
Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say...
That you want to make a deal with me...

Thats very, very true
Im only interested in two things
Yeah?
See if you can guess what they are

I would think...uh...lets see, maybe stravinsky...

Ill give you two clues. let go of your pickle

What?

Let go of your pickle!

Im not holding my pickle

Well, whos holding your pickle then?

I dont know...shes out in the audience...
Hey dale, would you like to come up here and hold
My pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage?

Im only interested in two things, and thats
Titties and beer
You know what I mean?
What?
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer!
Titties and beer!
I dont know if youre the right guy?
Titties and beer!
Titties and beer!

No! dont sign it! give me time to think...
I mean hold on a second boy, cause thats magic ink!

And then the devil let go of his pickle
And out come my girl, there was her titties
Flop-floppin...all around the world

She said I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
And Im gonna get ripped, so fuck, you clowns!
Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
Thats when the devil, he farted
And she went right over the cliff!
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

You're gonna get fired, and Rick is gonna bang your mom

The cookies are going to have anthrax

Your car will be assraped by Optimus Prime

You'll get mugged after you cash in your ticket

Also, you're going to fall victim to identity theft

In before Val! lol rofl omg bbq wtf

That sounds super awesome. I hope your luck continues.

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars aint shinin
cause the skys too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin
long the side of me

Im mean n Im bad, yknow I aint no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of chrissy
Talkin about her n my bike n me...
n this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Was actin weird up here
And so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, gimme summa that what yer suckin on...
But there was no reply
cause she was gone...

Wheres those titties that I like so well
n my goddamn beer!
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin twig, n up jumped the devil...hes about this big...

He had a red suit on
An a widows peak
An then a pointed tail
n like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, you sonofabitch!
cause I was mad at him,
Well he just got out his floss
n started cleanin his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: bang bang bang

Then the sucker just laughed n said, put it away...
You know, I ate her all up...now what you
Gonna say?
You ate my chrissy? titties n all!
Well, what about the beer then, boy? were the cans
This tall?
Even her boots? would I lie to you?
Shit, you musta been hungry! yes, this is true.
Well dont they pay you good for the
Stuff that you do?
Well, you know, I cant complain when the checks come through...

Well I want my chrissy, n I want my beer
So you just barf it back up now, devil,
Do you hear?

Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the devil,
Do you understand? just what will you give me
For your
Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little
Contract here... yer goddam right, you son-of-a-whore,
Dont call me that
Thats about the only reason
...gimme that paper...bet yer ass Ill sign...
cause I need a beer, n its titty-squeezin time

Man, you cant fool me...you aint that bad...
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had...
Why there was milhous nixon n agnew, too...
n both of those suckers was worse n you...

Well, lets make a deal if you think thats true
I mean, youre the devil, so whatcha gonna do?

(improvised dialog)
Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say...
That you want to make a deal with me...

Thats very, very true
Im only interested in two things
Yeah?
See if you can guess what they are

I would think...uh...lets see, maybe stravinsky...

Ill give you two clues. let go of your pickle

What?

Let go of your pickle!

Im not holding my pickle

Well, whos holding your pickle then?

I dont know...shes out in the audience...
Hey dale, would you like to come up here and hold
My pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage?

Im only interested in two things, and thats
Titties and beer
You know what I mean?
What?
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer!
Titties and beer!
I dont know if youre the right guy?
Titties and beer!
Titties and beer!

No! dont sign it! give me time to think...
I mean hold on a second boy, cause thats magic ink!

And then the devil let go of his pickle
And out come my girl, there was her titties
Flop-floppin...all around the world

She said I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
And Im gonna get ripped, so fuck, you clowns!
Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
Thats when the devil, he farted
And she went right over the cliff!
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

Good shit.

You forgot about your cock.

My cock is always good news.

Damn I wish I had your luck. *Steals luck and $30*

:l no wai.